Anime and manga is where I was born. And as much as I want to deny it, I can't. I end up returning to it no matter what. Strangely enough, it just makes me feel safe and at home.

I miss the old days.

I'm tired. But it's probably because I'm trying to focus mainly on what  I need to do and keep from procrastinating. 

I find it frustrating that I'm once again struggling in a group of friends. I'm not entirely too sure whether or not it's because I really don't do well in groups or if it's just the people in this particular group that make things difficult for me. My main issue, as it always is, is talking, and I can't help but feel that even if I were to talk, my words would be over looked or ridiculed. But I probably shouldn't feel that way.

But I think they're starting to lose faith in me. And I guess they might as well, I'm not entirely all that enthusiastic around them anyway. I figured that I would attempt to do more community service clubs during lunch, but I'm not entirely all that sure I'd be up to doing it as I do like hanging out with one of them.

I'll get over it. Hopefully. Eventually. I mean, in college, I'll barely need to censor myself when I'm at 'home', so maybe that'll be a bit of help.

God, I loathe high school and its cliques. No matter what, everything always has to be so damn stressful.

I find it funny how I never really see how significant it is I do my homework until it's around 3 in the morning and I'm totally sleep deprived. I think that time is like my moment of enlightenment that only comes at that time.

But strangely enough I'm all inspiredfuls to do homework and study right now. I guess I just need to watch more videos with Tyler Oakley in it. As strange as that sounds.

Tyler Oakley is this awesome gay guy on Youtube. I don't know where he's really from, but he's really cute, and he's just so funny. He seems really cheery and whatnot so it's inspirational? I guess? Youtube role model? Maybe.

God it's hot in my room right now.

I kind of hate the White Stripes right now.

And I just realized how much I'm going to miss a friend of mine when we go off to college. We spend everyday together and we basically think the same way. And it's really strange to me how it's like that. It's almost kinda like we were meant to be friends. Because it was already really shocking how much we had in common when we met each other and now as we talk about how we were when we were younger... it's sad, and rather lonely. But we'll most definitely take advantage of the next two years.

GOD I'M GOING TO MISS YOU. And I know how we don't go sappy on each other but BLAH. NO HOMO.

I really want to go to a music festival. I am going to go to the damn next one that has good bands in it. I missed Beirut and Yo La Tengo.. it makes me feel sooooo sad.

Um.

I want to write more. Just POUR OUT WHAT I FEEL INSIDE. But I haven't an idea what to write about. Maybe this calls for a semi-melancholy fiction. I'm giving up on Fanfictions. I want to have my own god damned characters.

La didaa. I need to make it into college. Need to make it into Boston. Need to go out of state. Boston BOSTON BOSTON!

Smile for Me by Ronald Huereca

Smile for me –
When your burdens drift away,
When the night turns into day,
When your children dance and play,
When you’re thankful and you pray.

Smile for me –
When your worries disappear,
And you wipe away the tear.
When your heart feels hope is near,
Or you re-linquish the fear.

Smile for me –
When your body is at ease,
And you do with as you please.
When you’re life isn’t a breeze,
And it brings you to your knees.

Smile for me –
When your mind is filled with stress,
And you can’t break for recess.
When you always leave with less,
Or you get blamed for the mess.

Smile for me –
When your lovelife melts away,
When the night eclipses day,
When it’s all work and no play,
When you never stop to pray.

Please smile for me.

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Touching stuff.